Setting Goals
While there are many benefits available from youth sports, such as fun and fitness, youth sports have their greatest long-term rewards – for coaches, parents and athletes alike – by serving as a framework for teaching youth life lessons.
What lessons can be more important for an aspiring athlete than the lessons of how to set, pursue and achieve goals…and how to react when you fall short?
Because those lessons are so important, and because goal-setting is so naturally built into competition, Responsible Coaches set goals for themselves, their teams and each player. Furthermore, Responsible Coaches set the right goals, pursue them in the right way and help youth athletes do the same.
Everyone wants to win, and that is certainly an important goal for many coaches, but it should not be the only goal. Responsible Coaches embrace the idea that coaches have two goals: winning on the field and winning off-the-field by learning life lessons from sports.
Setting Goals
At the beginning of the season, Responsible Coaches gather their team to discuss and set goals. Consider an exercise where each player, individually, writes down on an index card what their goals are for the team for the season. The write everyone’s responses on the board and get to a concise list that everyone agrees will be the team goals for the season. Then take time to work with your athletes one-on-one to set goals for each player for the season. Do they want to master a new skill and need your help with that? Do they want to work on being a better teammate? Make sure as the Coach you know what your athletes want to accomplish.
As the leader and coach of the team, add your own and talk about why you have the goals you do for the team. A key goal for Responsible Coaches is Effort. You want your athletes to give 100% effort, 100% of the time. It’s one of the three pillars of a Mastery Approach for your team. (More on this in our Mastery Approach article).
An example of an effort goal you can set for your team or for individual players is to win a majority of “50-50 balls” (or pucks or pins etc.). Or, to remove “winning” from the equation entirely, set the goal as “maximum effort” on such plays, and make sure you or your assistant coaches pay close enough attention to assess your players’ level of effort. If you can tie an effort goal (“try”) to an outcome goal (“win”), then players gain extra encouragement as they achieve the effort goals and at least move toward achieving the desired outcome goals, as well.
Remember: Goals should be those that athletes can accomplish and are within their control. Winning is not a goal for a team’s season since reaching that goal is outside of your collective control and is dependent upon the quality of opponents, officiating, weather, etc. Responsible Coaches stick to goals where the outcome is within the team’s control.
Pursuing Goals
One way to manage the pursuit of goals is to keep in mind the equation S=E/T (Success Equals Effort Over Time). It is important to establish that with youth athletes who are just learning a skill or attempting a major improvement so that they will maintain the level of effort required – even in the face of poor early results – until they achieve some success.
“Over time” is a key concept. Just as players require repetition to learn how to execute, Responsible Coaches must consistently repeat positive reinforcement. That way, the player fully believes the coach values effort more than results and the player feels free to adopt the same values.
Along the way, one key is to reward unsuccessful effort. That strikes many as counterintuitive. But it is essential to keeping players persistent. What else would keep players pushing toward improvement despite the physical, mental and emotional challenges of repeated failed efforts?
A Responsible Coach who sees players trying hard, yet failing to make the play, can reinforce their effort by noticing out loud how hard they were trying: “Danny, it still didn’t end up the way we wanted, but I saw how intent you were on technique. Your feet were planted just right. I know the results will come over time.”
Another way to reinforce effort is through a targeted, symbolic reward . After a practice or game you can honor players for making the desired efforts. For example, you might give the “dirty shirt award” to the player showing the most hustle.
It’s important that this award has no great value beyond symbolizing the player’s effort. That keeps the player focused on the value of the effort itself, as opposed to the award’s monetary value. Even if the player never achieves the desired result you pursued together, he or she will have the lasting life lesson of the value of effort and a tangible reminder of the coach who imparted that life lesson.
Achieving Goals...or Not
It is one of the greatest feelings in the world to work hard and achieve a goal. It can be a horrible feeling to work hard and fall short. However, if the effort was everything it should have been and could have been, there should be no regrets.
A great way to help your athletes experience and process this range of emotions is to establish intermediate goals en route to a major long-term goal. That way there are bound to be successes (to be celebrated so the athlete is inspired to work hard enough to earn the chance to celebrate achieving the next intermediate goal) and failures (to be learned from so the athlete can continue the quest).
Both situations translate to the rest of the athlete’s life – in school, career and personal relationships -- where he or she undoubtedly will continue to experience both victory and defeat. Sports as experienced with a Responsible Coach will teach youth how to handle both victory and defeat graciously, and perhaps most importantly will teach the lasting life lesson that regardless of results, hard work is its own reward.
This article is part of the Responsible Coaching series prepared by Positive Coaching Alliance expressly for the Liberty Mutual Insurance Responsible Sports Program.
Sports Safety for Coaches
Responsible Coaches should try to remember the maxim, “First, do no harm.” You are working with someone’s children. You are ultimately responsible not just for their wins and losses but also to help them learn the valuable life lessons that sports can teach. And above all else, you are responsible for your athletes’ safety.
Responsible Coaches work from a Safety Checklist each and every time they work with athletes. Are you considering the following each time to get ready to play?
Weather: If conditions are too hot, cold or stormy (where lightning strikes are a risk), adjust. Cancel practice or move it indoors. In extreme heat, conduct lighter workouts and avoid the “gassers” or other forms of extreme exertion.
Field/Court Conditions: Before your athletes arrive, check the condition of the field, court, ice, mat or pool. Ensure that the playing surface is up to your standards before you start drills or games. If your standards aren’t met, prioritize your athletes’ safety and reschedule! Watch out for things like broken glass on a blacktop, moisture on a wooden court, major divots in the ice, and holes or bare patches in a field that can cause sprained ankles or worse. Make sure lighting is sufficient for players to see and avoid danger.
Equipment: Make sure equipment is in working order…no splintered sticks, no goals with sharp corners protruding, no mats with insufficient padding. The same goes for players’ padding, uniforms, helmets, and mouth guards.
Hydration: Make sure players are hydrated, especially in extreme heat and humidity. Players or their parents should provide water or sports drinks, but it is still the coach’s responsibility to build into practices time for sufficient water breaks. Forget that old school mentality that players can and should tough it out without those breaks.
CPR and First Aid: Know it, and have another coach or parent volunteer with you who knows it too. Many programs require CPR and/or first aid certification. Keep your phone handy for any necessary 911 calls.
Concussions: Head safety and concussions have become ever-growing Gone are the days when you might say, “Oh, he just got his bell rung. He’ll be ready to back in in a minute.” If there is any suspicion of a concussion or other head injury, remove the player from play and ensure there is no return until a doctor clears it. Consider conducting a concussion seminar for both players and parents to understand the danger and to recognize the symptoms. Also clearly outline your policy regarding removing players from games where a concussion is suspected.
Rides Home: Depending on league rules, arrangements with players’ parents and the general safety of the environment, you may or may not want to stay at practices and games until all players are picked up by their parents or guardians. When in doubt, stay with a child. At the same time, avoid being left alone with any child other than your own in light of recent years’ sex abuse accusations against coaches at all levels of sport.
Communication: Have a full list of contact information for players, preferably entered into your phone, so that you can quickly contact them in case of emergency.
We know this is not the most fun, exciting aspect of coaching youth sports, but sports safety is the most important.This article is part of the Responsible Coaching series prepared by Positive Coaching Alliance expressly for the Liberty Mutual Insurance Responsible Sports Program.
Coaching For Mastery
The key to scoreboard success – and more importantly, keeping youth athletes encouraged and engaged in their sports so they can learn life lessons – is to help athletes focus on what they can control. Control is critical to confidence!
There are three key elements to a Mastery Approach and you can remember them with the handy acronym – ELM, for Effort, Learning and Mistakes Responsible Coaches can remind players that to “climb the ELM Tree of Mastery” they must always:
1. Give maximum Effort.
2. They should Learn constantly so they can continue to improve
3. That Mistakes are OK, because mistakes help us learn.
Introducing the ELM Tree of Mastery to Your Team
At your very first team meeting, introduce your philosophy of Mastery to your team (and your team parents) and introduce ELM. Start off by letting your players know that:.
- You will always be proud of them as long as they give 100% Effort (regardless of the outcome on the scoreboard).
- You want each of them to constantly strive to Learn and improve. This involves them comparing their own performance to their own performance (i.e., are they better than they were two weeks ago?).
- Mistakes are an inevitable part of the game. If they are giving 100% and trying new things (as they strive to improve), mistakes are bound to occur, and your best players are those who find ways to quickly bounce back from mistakes.
- Teams that give their full Effort, constantly Learn, and bounce back from Mistakes, actually win more than teams that focus just on the scoreboard.
Let your players know that you’ll have your eye out during practices and games for players that are climbing the ELM Tree. And you’ll be rewarding players who are focused on mastering their sport.
More on Effort
In sports, you can take satisfaction from making maximum effort. Regardless of outcome on the scoreboard if you know you gave it your best, you can endure disappointment and re-double your efforts.
The best way to get effort from your players is to reward them for effort, even when they do not succeed. That will help them through hard times as they strive to learn new skills or improve their conditioning. Gradually, they will realize that effort is its own reward, a value they will carry with them long after their playing days, and can propel them toward success in other aspects of their lives, such as family and career.
Back in our Setting Goals article we talked about rewarding effort with Symbolic Rewards like the Dirty Shirt Award, the Sugar Shaker Award , or the Hard Hat Award . Or create your own. You’ll be surprised how effective recognizing and celebrating effort will be in bringing up the overall effort and performance level of your team.
More on Learning
The emphasis on learning is important, because that is how players improve. Players can learn from success or failure. , Remind players that they are not failing so much as they are learning. That will keep them encouraged and willing to try new skills and stick with it until they are proficient.
Again, this has a great payoff beyond the actual sports competition. In all other facets of their lives, your players will have to try new things. Sometimes they will succeed, other times not. The better you equip them to learn from success and failure, the more able they will be to adapt, learn, and improve through whatever life throws at them.
More on Mistakes
Mistakes often result from pushing the envelope, taking chances, stretching limits, growing and learning. But coaches who overreact to mistakes cause their players stress and make them nervous about mistakes that they end up making even more. Or, players become so intent on avoiding mistakes that they play too tentatively to make the great play.
To combat the effects of mistakes and reduce the fear of making mistakes, consider implementing a Mistake Ritual , a physical motion you and your players use to remind each other to get past a mistake and focus on the next play.
For example, players can "flush" mistakes (by making a fist with one hand, raising that fist in the air, and then bringing it down in a flushing motion). Talk to your players about what ritual they want to use. Some players like "no sweat," signified by running their fingers across their brow, while other like "brush it off," signified by pretending to dust off their uniform. Get your team onboard to consistently use the Mistake Ritual during practices and games. And share with your players the stories from world class athletes who use the visual of a ‘clear key’ that they press in their mind to forget a mistake and move forward.
Using all three elements of ELM, Responsible Coaches help their players go for greatness. Emphasizing Effort and Learning are terrific starts. The finishing touch is to let them know Mistakes are OK, especially if they Learn from their Mistakes and continue giving full Effort.
This article is part of the Responsible Coaching series prepared by Positive Coaching Alliance expressly for the Liberty Mutual Insurance Responsible Sports Program.
Emotional Tanks
One of the key attributes of Responsible Coaches is their ability to “Fill Emotional Tanks.” A person’s “Emotional Tank” is like a car’s gas tank; when it’s full we can go most anywhere, but when it’s empty we go nowhere.
Players with full Emotional Tanks give Responsible Coaches some advantages by being:
- more coachable and likely to listen and respond without resistance
- more optimistic
- better able to handle adversity.
The “fuel” for a youth athlete’s Emotional Tank should be a mix of 5:1 …five specific, truthful pieces of praise for each piece of specific, constructive criticism a coach feels compelled to offer. Many coaches find this hard to believe, because in our own experience as youth athletes, sons, daughters, pupils and employees “coaching” often equals “correcting,” and therefore, praise is not coaching. But a Responsible Coach who fills Emotional Tanks corrects players correctly!
How to Fill Tanks
Coaches sometimes call “Tank Filling” as “happy talk.” But remember, the praises must be truthful and specific (i.e., not “Way to go,” but, “Ruth, I’m glad to see you aimed at the far post on your shot.”).
Children are uncanny in detecting false praise, lose respect for those who offer it and are then closed to suggestion for improvement from that coach. In contrast, a major benefit of Tank Filling is that players know you believe in them, and your praise boosts their confidence, so that they are willing and able to respond well to constructive criticism.The 5:1 ratio does not mean you must utter five praises immediately before correcting a player. That also would ring false. Rather, it means that generally you build players up, mindful of the adage that “They’ll never care how much you know until they know how much you care.”
Be sure your Tank Filling extends to non-verbal communication. You fill Emotional Tanks when you listen, nod, clap, or smile. Tank drainers include ignoring players, frowning, head-shaking, eye-rolling and yelling.
You can set the tone in every practice with warm-up drills that give you a chance to fill tanks. –This provides a natural chance to praise as players succeed at an easier level of drills. By the fifth or sixth time through the warm-up line, as the drill picks up pace and the drills are more difficult, you are more likely to find yourself in position to correct, and players will be open to it!
Talking to Your Players About Filling Tanks
Early in the season, introduce the Emotional Tank concept to your players. Using age-appropriate expressions and adapting them to your own personal style, let players know:
- Each one of them has an Emotional Tank that fills and drains when they receive praise and criticism.
- You don't want to be alone in Filling Tanks. You want them to fill each others’ tanks, too.
- The Tank Filling can increase their enjoyment of the sport and help improve their performance.
- Teams with full tanks also tend to win more.
Tank-Filling Tools
Keeping all your players’ emotional tanks full can be tough, especially those who see less playing time than their teammates. Remember that you can praise players for ways they support the team from the bench (constant positive chatter, pointing out something your opponent is doing to help a teammate on the field, etc.). And it’s important to make sure your more talented players fill their teammates’ tanks, so that the less talented remain encouraged to continue offering their support
Among the ways you and/or your players can keep tanks full all season long:
- Buddy System. Partner athletes before a practice or a game, and ask them to be responsible for filling each others’ tanks. When their partners make mistakes, they are responsible for helping them bounce back quickly. When their partners do something well, they are the first to praise them. At the end of the practice or game, ask your athletes to share what their teammates what they said or did to keep their tanks full.
- Positive Charting. This technique helps you “catch players doing things right.” During practices and games, record positive efforts and plays and then review them with players at the end of the day or at the next team meeting. Your positive chart can simply list of all of your players with space to note two or three of their specific positive acts. Use this opportunity not just to praise spectacular plays but also to reinforce players’ effort and to call out the grueling gradual improvements players are making. It is important to mention at least one praise-worthy act per player, but remember, it must be truthful and specific. The role of filling in the chart can rotate between your assistant coaches, your bench (if players are mature enough), and even parents. Positive Charting is a great way to keep injured players engaged with the team, feeling like they are contributing and focused on learning more about their sport by keeping a watchful eye on their teammates.
- Winners Circle. Depending on how many players you coach, you can all gather in a circle, or for larger groups , divide into offensive and defensive players. Once gathered, have each player comment on something specific that a teammate did well during the game. As the coach, you go last, and it's your job to have something specific, truthful and positive to say about each player who has not yet been recognized.
- Opening and Closing Rituals. A great Tank Filler can be using an opening and closing ritual. In the Opening Ritual, players can leave the school day behind them and focus on what you as a team are about to do in the practice or the game and a focus on the outcomes they can control. In the Closing Ritual, the team reflects on the goals and fills the Tanks of their teammates with specific and truthful praise for goals accomplished, effort given and brushed off mistakes.
With these Tank Filling Tools, you and your players are on your way to enjoyment, success and life-lesson benefits of a Responsible Sports experience!
This article is part of the Responsible Coaching series prepared by Positive Coaching Alliance expressly for the Liberty Mutual Insurance Responsible Sports Program.
Honoring The Game
When you became a Coach, you did so because you love the game. Because you want to teach kids the sport you love so much. Because you want to see the great history and tradition of your sport continue and carried forward by the next generation. You also likely inherently knew that sport brought so much to your life and you’d like other young men and women to gain those same valuable life lessons.
Because sports can be so valuable in helping youth learn life lessons that will impact them and their communities far beyond the playing fields, Responsible Coaches want to do everything in their power to make sure the youth sports experience is positive. Responsible Coaches conduct themselves by a code called “Honoring the Game.” To remember components of this code, remind yourself and your players that Honoring the Game means respecting the sport’s ROOTS, where ROOTS stands for Rules, Opponents, Officials, Teammates and Self.
Introducing ROOTS to Players and Their Parents
Unfortunately, youth sports today can sometimes be a sea of volatile emotions. Sadly some adults and athletes still have a win-at-all-cost mentality. And the heat of competition can sometimes bring out the worst in both adults and kids.
But members of the Responsible Sports community – parents and coaches – work hard to Honor The Game and teach the principles of ROOTS to our young athletes. And as a Responsible Coach, you are a leader and culture shaper who is – rightly or wrongly – accountable for your whole team’s behavior, including players’ parents.
Use your first team meeting as well as your first parent meeting to introduce Honoring the Game and ROOTS :
- Rules. As a team and as individuals, we refuse to bend or break the rules, even if we think we can get away with it.
- Opponents. Recognize that a worthy opponent brings out our best and take a "fierce-yet-friendly" attitude into competition. In the locker room before the game, remind your players that a worthy opponent is what makes us better and what makes competition worthwhile. Remind them to respect that. Instruct your players that when a whistle blows, help downed opponents to their feet. Make it a team rule that after every game, you as a team shake the hands of your opponents – win or lose! As a coach, make sure you seek out the opposing coach and shake their hand – emulate the behavior you want to see from your team. After a tough loss, talk to your team about how thankful you are for a worthy opponent who tested you and, as a result, helped you learn more about the game by what your collective mistakes might have been and have inspired you as a team and as individuals to work even harder.
- Officials. We respect officials even when we disagree with them. Responsible Coaches do not yell at officials, berate them or in any way disrespect them. Responsible Coaches teach athletes that officiating can be difficult (in fact, consider doing an Officiating Drill below with your team to help reinforce a respect for officials). Honor The Game by respectfully discussing calls with officials and, again, emulate the behavior you seek in your team and from the parents in the stands: go shake the hand of the official after the match is complete.
- Teammates. We never do anything to embarrass our team (on or off the field). We do what we can to lift each other up and help each other reach our potential. Talk to your athletes about your Team Code of Conduct.
- Self. We live up to our own standards of Honoring the Game, even when others don't. If the opposing players, coaches or parents act out, we still do not.
Tools for Honoring the Game
Because of your leadership role, you must set an example of Honoring the Game. When your players and their parents see you keep your temper in check, for example, after an official makes a questionable call, they are more likely to check their own tempers. Therefore, we suggest these tools.
- Self-Control Routine. It helps to have -- and actually practice or rehearse -- a self-control routine. For example:
- take a deep breath
- remind yourself of the discipline required NOT to react
- engage in self-talk ("I need to be a role model. I can rise above this!")
- turn away from the action
- count to 20 (or 50!)
- quickly refocus on the next play
Later, you can use the experience as a teachable moment with your players: "I was pretty upset with what happened, but I controlled myself so I wouldn't do anything that would dishonor the game. And that's an important lesson I want you to learn from sports -- how to develop your own self-control so you will always Honor the Game no matter what."
- Drill During Practice. Just as you develop drills for improving physical skills, you can create situations in practice where players learn how to Honor the Game. For example, during a practice scrimmage, make a bad call on purpose and see how your players react. If they react in a way that is consistent with Honoring the Game, praise them. If they don't, use that moment to discuss how you want them to respond in a game situation (e.g., not letting the questionable call throw them out of their rhythm). You might also consider having your players officiate during scrimmages to appreciate the difficulty of officiating.
- Officiating Drill. We all think officiating must be easy: until we try it ourselves. It’s not so easy to see everything that’s going on out there. And even when we’re looking, it’s sometimes hard to get the call right. Try running a drill where one of your athletes acts as the official, umpire or referee and has to make the calls. (Watch the example of a softball coach and basketball coach run the drill with their teams.) Watch them struggle – as we would – to make the right call. Then talk to your team about what the drill teaches us about respecting officials.
- Think of Your Legacy. You want to be the coach that players fondly remember. You want to be the coach that inspired athletes to continue in the sport. You want to be the coach they remember when they consider coaching themselves. Who knows: maybe one day your athlete will find themselves on the Olympic podium, giving credit to a youth coach who inspired them – the way Summer Sanders, Joy Fawcett, and Tony Dorsett did.
Responsible Coaches are they key to Honoring the Game and keeping our great traditions alive and to preserving the life lesson opportunity that sports can teach.
This article is part of the Responsible Coaching series prepared by Positive Coaching Alliance expressly for the Liberty Mutual Insurance Responsible Sports Program.
The Coach-Parent Relationship
As a Responsible Coach, you want to help your players develop as athletes and as people. Likely your closest allies in that effort will be your players’ parents. Any well-meaning parents will want the best for their children, and they know a Responsible Coach can provide a great deal on and off the field.
For example, Johnny may listen to you in a way that he will not listen to his parent for no other reason than the fact that you are not his parent! You are in a tremendously powerful position to shape Johnny’s future, to help move him in the positive directions his parents want, but cannot necessarily achieve on their own..
Of course, there also may be challenges inherent in the coach-parent relationship. After all, each of your players’ parents may be concerned with only their own child, while your concerns must extend to all players on the team…and to the team as a whole.
As in so many other aspects of Responsible Coaching clear communication goes a long way toward accentuating the positive and eliminating the negative. First step is a pre-season parent meeting for all your players’ parents.
The Pre-Season Parent Meeting
It is important to enter the meeting prepared, composed, knowledgeable about your sport, sensitive to socio-economic circumstances and self-aware enough to realize how much you still will have to learn even in this first meeting. It helps to have an agenda, including such items as:
- Welcome and Introductions. Include your personal background, such as how long you have lived in the community, your family and sports background, how long you have coached - which sports, and where, and with what level of success. Have all parents introduce themselves, too, and invite them to share a bit of their own family background and sports experiences. From that information you begin to understand who might help as an assistant coach and who might have values that differ from yours.
- Your Coaching Philosophy. As a Responsible Coach, you want to win, help your players improve their skills, keep things fun, improve the team’s fitness, and most importantly, teach life lessons that extend well beyond the playing field. You also can share sport-specific philosophy, such as emphasizing offense or defense. Finally, this is a great time to explain your views on playing time, practice commitments, and your preferences for how players or parents contacting you if they have questions or concerns in these areas. Consider invoking a 24-Hour Rule, where parents are not to contact you within 24 hours of a game to make sure everyone’s cooler head can prevail.
- Sideline behavior. Take this opportunity to explain your views on sideline behavior. Much of your expectation in this regard may boil down to Honoring the Game (review Honoring the Game section ). You might also cover the concept of “No-Verbs Cheering,” urging parents to cheer positively for their children, their teammates and even opposing players, but not to shout instruction that may interfere with your coaching and the players’ ability to concentrate on the game.
- Goals for the Season. Often your goals will extend directly from your philosophy. Here is a chance to specify how your philosophy leads to your goals. For example, “We will try our hardest to win in every game, and along the way, I’ll emphasize taking pride in everything we do” Ask the parents what their goals are, too. That provides an opportunity for you and them to get on the same page early in the season, which gives you a great chance to stay on the same page.
- Logistics. Issue practice and game schedules and phone and email lists, or recruit a parent volunteer to handle those items, along with other typical concerns, such as snack schedules and car-pooling opportunities.
- Parents’ Questions. Solicit parents question. And answer them - honestly. It’s important to set the tone for open and honest communication right from the start. Consider using the Team Parent Survey tool to allow your parents to provide feedback on the season at the end of the season. But introduce the use of the Tool for your team at the beginning of the season so that parents can rest assured knowing that they will have a chance to provide feedback.
When Issues Arise
They will. Using the above advice, you have laid the groundwork for positive relationships focused on the well-being of any individual player and the team as a whole. Ideally, you also have continued to proactively communicate with parents, getting to know them and their children so you can get the most out of them as players and help them develop as people.
Depending on the age of your players, you may prefer that they approach you with their own concerns, rather than parents doing so. Players who take that initiative are in the process of learning life lessons about advocating for themselves with authority figures. Those lessons will be important in later life, and you should be proud and happy to have a role in that part of your players’ development.
Parents who have concerns may still contact you. Often, they just want to get things off their chest or need a sounding board to help process their own thoughts or experiences.
Try hard not be defensive or evasive. Welcome the chance to deepen your relationship with the players’ parents. You may learn some things about them, their children – and maybe even yourself – that help improve your coaching. Hear the parents out. Seek first to understand before being understood.
Then, if you remain convinced of the position you have taken on typical issues such as playing time or position, feel free to maintain your ground . Parents can be valuable sources of input, but at the end of the day, there is a reason you are the coach.
As a Responsible Coach, you do what you think is right. Just as you would teach your players to do, and just as the players’ parents would teach them to do also.
This article is part of the Responsible Coaching series prepared by Positive Coaching Alliance expressly for the Liberty Mutual Insurance Responsible Sports Program.
The Coach-Athlete Relationship
Coaches often have more impact on a child than any other adult other than the child’s parents. In some cases, coaches can be even more influential than parents. Some youth athletes spend more time with their coaches than with any of their teachers in school. That is why it is important to be a Responsible Coach and to manage your relationships with players accordingly.
As a Responsible Coach, you strive to win, but never at the expense of a child’s well-being. That means ensuring player safety in every circumstance from a routine practice where you check that equipment functions properly to deciding that a player is too hurt to go back into a game. “Never at the expense of a child’s well-being” also means that when necessary, you sacrifice wins in the name of teaching life lessons.
No matter how brightly your ambition burns, no matter how badly you want that championship, the higher priorities should always be player safety and helping players develop into healthy, productive and contributing members of society. When you consistently demonstrate those values to players and their parents -- by your character, your behavior, how you carry yourself, the way you lead, decide and communicate -- you will win them over.
When you have won them over they will go to great lengths for you. They’ll play hard. They’ll sacrifice for you and for each other, forming the type of cohesive team that is tough to beat on the scoreboard.
Forming Relationships
Being a great coach starts with forming positive relationships with your athletes. If you are curious, caring, honest and open, it is easier for players to connect with attach you .And having an authentic connection sets the foundation for getting and keeping players attention and respect, as well as setting the stage for openness to learning new skills, strategies and life lessons.
Especially with kids, you will never get away with dishonesty or in-authenticity. If you are a gentle person, all the bluster in the world will not convince kids you are tough. If you are rough around the edges, no false affection can hide that. Just be yourself!
Maintaining Relationships
Once you have reached your athletes, maintain good working relationships, using the principle of giving respect to get respect.
The old model of “tear them down so you can build them up” no longer applies. It’s better to build them up so you can build them up more.. You, your players and their parents endure less drama and enjoy a better youth sports experience, working towards your goals as their coach and in helping players develop beyond sports.
That’s the basis of Filling Emotional Tanks . The right mix of praise and correction (five pieces of truthful, specific praise for each piece of specific, constructive criticism) brings about the best results in competition and keeps players open to learning from you and willing to work for you.
Occasionally, you will need to have even harder conversations than a simple correction. You may need to tell players that they just are not learning fast enough or seem to be exerting less than maximum effort. You may need to bench or cut players. All those conversations should be private and face-to-face. If the player objects, hear him or her out. Even if they are leaving your program, give them all the advice they can use in order to have better success at their next stop in sports or whatever else their next endeavor may be.
As respectful as the coach-player relationship may be, coaches still must ensure order, discipline and fairness. Coaches should be very open and up-front very early in their relationships with players as to the team rules and consequences for violating them. Be careful not to set rules and consequences that you can’t live with, because as soon as you fail to deliver on a consequence, you lose respect, attachment, attention and all the other things you’ve worked with your players on. Conversely, if you impose the strong, fair, consistent discipline you promised, you’ll nip most problems in the bud.
Maintain Boundaries
While you seek to have positive, enduring relationships with your players, you also have to recognize and respect the boundaries that you must maintain in any relationship with children. We strongly recommend you not have players as part of your social media circle of friends. We strongly recommend that you not put yourself in a situation where you are ever alone with a child. We strongly recommend you refrain from making jokes or comments that you might find funny but that an impressionable, sensitive young athlete might misinterpret. Your job as a coach is just that: a job. Maintain healthy space between your work life and your personal life.
How Coaches and Players Benefit from Their Relationships
Beyond the obvious gains of on-field fun and success, coaches and players may enjoy long-term benefits from their relationships. For example, players later in life may make important decisions based on what they learned from their coach many years before. And they may stay in touch and continue to call on the coach for even more advice.
Coaches, meanwhile, also learn from players, and certainly take a great delight in seeing past players succeed. Along with the sheer joy of seeing youth develop to their potential, coaches get a separate special kick out of knowing they had a role in helping those kids along.
Looking back on your coaching career, you should think of how many people you positively impacted, how deeply they were affected and how many people they impacted. And the only thing that will make you happier is the next time you hear, “Hey, Coach….”
This article is part of the Responsible Coaching series prepared by Positive Coaching Alliance expressly for the Liberty Mutual Insurance Responsible Sports Program.
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