By David Jacobson
Positive Coaching Alliance
Tryouts can be physically and emotionally taxing on your child; and just as much on you too. See how you can take a responsible approach to your child’s tryouts.
Tryouts can be a trying time for youth athletes, parents and coaches alike. Athletes often stress over putting themselves on-stage for judgment by peers and adults whose approval seems all-important. Parents may worry about how to help their children process those judgments, especially if players do not fare as well as they hoped. And for coaches, well, nobody wants to be the bearer of bad news.
So, here are a few ideas on how Responsible Coaches can make tryouts as positive as possible.
Don’t call them “tryouts” if they’re not. “Tryouts” implies that players will be cut and unable to play at their chosen level or for their preferred organizations. Often, that is confused with a “skills assessment,” which coaches can use to decide how to assemble fairly even teams for a house league.
Reframing a “tryout” as a “skills assessment” helps parents and players understand that coaches are gauging players’ relative abilities, not permanently separating the top from the bottom. With that understanding, and the knowledge that there is a place in the league for every player, removing the word “tryout” also removes some performance anxiety. Reduced anxiety often means improved performance.
Conversely, changing the name of a true tryout to a “skills assessment” will not help anyone. Kids are smart enough to know the score.
In true tryouts, set the table. In the typical tryout scenario of many athletes displaying their skills in an attempt to make the team, Responsible Coaches should explain their criteria to everyone at the same time. That way, players (and any parents who are present) all understand what coaches hope to see, and there is less chance for misunderstanding why one player made the team and another did not.
Your explanation may need to be quite granular, depending on the competitive level of the team you are assembling. For example, unless you really are “just looking for the 12 best athletes,” try to specify that “we’ll need a mix of size and speed and my preferred style of play is up-tempo, so I avoid players who fatigue easily.”
Treat players equally. Take great care to maintain impartiality and the appearance of impartiality. For example, if you know some of the players who are trying out, you may be tempted to reduce the number of repetitions of a certain skill because you already know those players’ capabilities.
However, this may be seen as unfair, because a reduced number of reps for some players lets them conserve energy, while players who do more reps diminish their stamina. That leaves you open to the risk of overlooking a deserving player who would help your team on the scoreboard, and more importantly, it leaves you, parents and players open to a lot of negative emotion (and perhaps even worse fallout) from perceived inequities in the tryout process.
Another place where inequity – real or perceived – may appear is in how much you encourage each athlete during tryouts. You should not coach or instruct players during tryouts, and if you boost one player after a mistake, be ready to boost them all. Otherwise, some athletes gain an advantage from having their “Emotional Tanks” refilled while others are left with empty tanks. To read more about “Emotional Tanks”, why its important to keep them full and how they affect your athletes visit Filling Players’ Emotional Tanks.
Keep the cutting process dignified. Sooner or later you will have to tell some players that you are cutting them. If at all possible, do this privately and face to face or by telephone with each player.
Ideally, you would pinpoint some encouraging elements of that player’s tryout and provide advice on how he or she can better prepare for your team’s next tryout. As honest as these conversations must be, and as painful as they often are, there still should be plenty of room for encouragement to continue in your sport. Consider keeping any cut players involved with your program, filling such roles as team manager, videographer or statistician.
In an ideal world our sons or daughters will always make the team, get the grade and come out on top. Unfortunately that can’t always be the case, and it can sometimes be hard to talk about that experience with your child. Where to start, what to say, how to get your message across so they can understand and learn from it isn’t easy. The Art of Responsible Sport Conversation: Parent and Athlete can give you some ideas and help get that ball rolling.
If nothing else, a Responsible Coach can provide a heartfelt thank you to all the athletes who put themselves on the line and gave the tryout process their very best. That way, you as coach also have given your best.
