Once we recognize similarities and differences between our goals and our children's goals, we can better shape conversations with our children. As Responsible Sports Parents, we have to remind ourselves that our main goal is to help our children learn and apply life lessons.
As much as you, your children and their coaches want to win games -- only the players and coaches are ultimately responsible for winning. As fans and parents, our job is to make sure our children use their youth sports experience to grow into successful adults. If we become overly focused on winning, we are likely to miss opportunities to play this important role with our kids (and with other kids on the team).
Within that context, consider the following scenario, and remember, there are no "right" answers…only food for thought and a chance to educate and learn from your fellow sports parents:
"Something similar happened to my son, and the one thing I learned was that my immediate reaction was most important. I didn't know how badly I messed up until my son told me that right after he threw the interception he looked over at me and saw me shaking my head, face down. He thought he'd let me down, and we had to talk it out. I think I eventually reassured but him, but one thing I would say about this is to remember the importance of body language."
- Bill, parent of kids 11 and 14, New Brunswick, NJ
"I wouldn't say anything about the play until he brings it up. I'd congratulate him on a good game, and a strong attempt to come back. If he brings it up, I'd tell him it's not the end of the world. Everyone makes mistakes and that's how we learn."
- Anne, parent of 7-yr-old, Portsmouth, NH
"Sooner or later you need to remind him not to force the ball into coverage. Right after the game may not be the best time. He's probably really hurting. But you want to help him avoid making the same mistake again."
- Ron, parent of kids 10 and 15, Phoenix, AZ
"Depending on how upset he seems, I might reassure him that we love him, that there is a lot more to him than just being a quarterback. Yeah, it's tough, but that football game is not the most important thing in the world."
- Rich, parent of kids 6, 11, and 13, Detroit, MI
"We always stop for pizza after the game, and I think it's important to maintain that routine, win or lose, no matter the circumstances. Hopefully my son would want to talk with me about it, but if not, I would not push it."
- Alex, parent of 14-yr-old, Seattle, WA
There are no "right answers" and no one single way to approach tough situations like these in youth sports. But as you continue to read here, we hope you'll find tools and resources to help make conversations like these easier and more productive for both you and your child.